Kiss The Joy

It's no secret that so many of us have to navigate through mental health challenges in this day and age. From anxiety and depression to ADHD, OCD, and the over-thinking mind, it's safe to say that this being human thing can be rather hard some days.

For me, the last few months have been a whirlwind of emotions to be completely transparent. From stress around the presidential election to learning how to cope with ADHD tendencies without medication (not that there is anything wrong with medication), to riding the rollercoaster that is entrepreneurship, I have had my fair share of difficult days. And when I reflect on my last 33 years, I realize it's pretty much always been like this for me. Weeks and months of joy and feeling pretty darn good, and then weeks and sometimes months of blah-ness and feeling...well, not so good. I've come to accept that this might just be a part of the gig for some, if not most of us.

This might just be part of the human experience.

For me, when times are tough, my mind tries to convince me that the joy will never return - that this blah-ness is my new normal. But it never is. There's not necessarily a one-size-fits-all recipe on how to go from sad to joyful again, but eventually, with time, the feel-good emotions always return. And instead of grasping onto them with all my might, begging them never to leave, I try to savor them while they're here - enjoy the joy they bring for as long as it lasts, for however long that is.

Artist William Blake once wrote:

“He who binds to himself a joy

Does the winged life destroy;

But he who kisses the joy as it flies

Lives in eternity's sun rise.”

We can learn to kiss the joy as it flies by being fully present in all the feel-good moments of our lives. Laughing around the table with friends. A morning walk in the crisp fall air. Reading a book as your cat falls asleep on your lap. A slow Saturday with nowhere to go. And once the joy departs and life inevitably gets hard again, we can remember that this, too, is temporary. It all is. 

Since I know I'm not alone in experiencing these low times, let me share the tools I use to help make it through until the joy returns.

• I make a self-care menu of practices and activities that help me find peace and shift my energy. This way, I don't have to think of something on the fly when I'm feeling particularly anxious, depressed, or just blah (those moments are hard enough as it is). Instead I can just look at the self-care menu (kept on my phone and written on a giant note pad in my room) and choose one thing to try out in the challenging moment. (See below for ideas)

• I dance it out. One of my favorite practices to do when I'm feeling lots of uncomfortable energy moving through me is interpretive dance. All this means is that I blast a song that I love - usually something by Florence & The Machine - and let my body twirl, shake, shimmy or whatever else it wants to do to express itself. I look absolutely ridiculous when I do this, but after 2-3 songs, I am able to release the energy that was feeling stuck, and my endorphins kick in.

• I go on long walks in or near nature. This can be your neighborhood if you live near trees or water or plants, or it can be a walk in the woods. Getting yourself out of your house and into the wild is so incredibly good for the soul. It always reminds me that I am a part of something so much greater than myself - we all are.

• I listen to guided meditations on the Calm App. In the morning and/or before bed, I really love listening to a meditation because it takes me out of anxious thinking pattern and gives me something else to focus on - my breathing, how my body feels, and the theme of the meditation that day. They're only 10 minutes long which also feels like the sweet spot for me.

• I rest. Anyone who knows me knows that I've always loved to nap, and when I'm having a particularly challenging time, I prioritize resting. Giving yourself permission to nap, do a breathing exercise, take a bath or just rest your eyes in your favorite chair is my favorite form of self-care. Yes, even in the middle of the day if it's accessible to you. When we're feeling lower than normal, we can't operate as our normal productive self, so we must meet ourselves where we are. Some days you're at 20 or 30% and that's okay...fill your cup back up and know that in the long run, you'll be glad you did.

• I fill myself with the good stuff. I watch shows and movies that are light-hearted instead of dark or about the worse parts of man-kind (looking at your murder stories). I'm a highly sensitive person so everything I take in has an effect on me which is why I have to choose the feel-good media over the not so feel-good. This means Hello, Gilmore Girls, Goodbye Murder documentaries.

• I practice affirmations. I have fallen victim to my negative thoughts far too many times, which makes sense because they are loud and incredibly powerful. This is why I practice affirmations. Yup, that's right - I repeat positive phrases about myself, and yes, it feels incredibly silly when you start, but over-time, I notice a huge shift in how I feel. Consistently practicing affirmations helps us form new neural pathways in the brain, which slowly help us see all the positive things life has to offer rather than all the negative. This is crucial during low times.

• I see my therapist. I make sure I visit with my therapist, especially in these hard times. I know it's not easy to find someone you connect with that feels like they can actually help. I've had to shop around for the right therapists many, many times, but it's worth the effort. Having someone to hold space for you to process is of the utmost importance. I also take an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant medication that helps me find my center. I've accepted that this is part of my toolbox, and that's absolutely okay.

• I go to my happy place. Someone once told me to think of a person or place that I love every time I feel sad or overwhelmed and can't find my footing. For me, this is my nephews. When I'm stressed out, I think of their faces and how much I love them, and it helps me feel even a teensy bit better. Simple tool that has really helped.

• I am patient. The important thing to remember is that all of these practices take time and consistency. When we're feeling down, all we want is to wave a magic wand so we can feel joyful again, but unfortuantely, it doens't work that way. We have to keep showing up, even when it's hard, and trust that over time, all these little and seemingly insignificant practices eventually pay off. We gotta just keep moving forward to the best of our ability.

If you've been having a challenging time getting past your blocks and reaching your goals, and are looking for some guidance, I'm currently offering 15-minute complimentary discovery calls. Learn if life-coaching may be a supportive avenue for you to explore. Click here to send me a message.